Work/Life/Nightmare Balance
Contemplating the nature of work during the collapse of democracy
By Erin Allgood
For the last few weeks, I have been contemplating the nature of work. This is due in part because Labor Day was on the horizon and because we’re in the process of finalizing our Disruptive Leadership program where we are talking about radically reimagining how organizations are run, managed, and led. The national landscape around work has also shifted so much over the last five years and even in the last five months that it feels important to mark this moment in time.
My relationship to work has also shifted since I’ve been on this journey over the last few months. It’s hard to think that I’ll go back to the same pace and discipline when I return home. Over these last few months, I worked about an average of 2-3 days a week, hopping on calls on Mondays and Tuesdays when I had reliable wifi lined up and finding time to work in the car while we were driving from destination to destination. I found myself opening my laptop and diving into whatever I felt compelled to work on, rather than frantically trying to move through tasks at an unhealthy speed or trying to pack in as much work as possible like I used to when I had a home office. Emerald and I chose to keep the workload to a minimum over the summer, with projects wrapping up and allowing longer times in between check-ins with clients.
My internal ease around work right now does not match the external turmoil that I have been observing around me. The August job numbers came in (though who can trust those now), clocking in at about a 1/3rd of what is to be expected. On LinkedIn, I see posts everyday from people who have lost their jobs and are desperate to get back to work. These posts are juxtaposed against people trying to pump up their audience and sell their services in the most inauthentic, icky ways possible. It’s jarring and, despite all of that, I still participate, because I am also trying to build this business and stay relevant so Emerald and I can put food on our respective tables and pay our rents.
We’re also seeing the collapse of our democracy happen in real time while a genocide is live-streamed and every institution and policy that has been built to safeguard the American public is being systematically dismantled. There is insult to every injury also, like the painting over the crosswalk outside of the Pulse nightclub and arresting people reinstating the rainbow. Art, especially queer protest art, has become criminalized. Or how Rep. Nicole Collier in Texas was held hostage in the state house because she refused to sign a permission slip and be surveilled by police 24/7 as punishment for leaving the state rather than voting on gerrymandered redistricting legislation. Florida is rolling back vaccine mandates because basic science is a joke apparently. And don’t get me started on the current administration’s desire to erode land protections and what that means for all these beautiful landscapes I have visited over these last few months.
We’re seeing this all play out on our phones in real time while trying to juggle work deadlines and support our families and maintain some semblance of a personal life and trying to resist where we can. The pace of our modern lives requires that we go from seeing devastating pictures of natural disaster victims and starving children one minute to talking about revenue or brand alignment or strategy the next. Our nervous systems were not built for this. Our health is being impacted in ways we probably won’t understand for a long time.
On top of all of this, many of us have lost touch with our communities because, when there is too much going on, the first thing to go is something that feels ancillary rather than vital. It’s easier to stay in go-mode, numb to all the suffering around us, than it is to call a beloved friend who will make our hearts feel something. Feeling is the gateway to action and so many of us can’t afford to take our eyes off the prize right now - the prize being the ability to afford shelter and food and other basic necessities. I know this because I’ve lived it before and refuse to go back to that dark place.
During the early days of COVID, my mental health took a nose dive. I had battled depression and anxiety for most of my life, but the isolation, heavy workload, constant deluge of bad news, and paralyzing fear had me on the brink of a breakdown. I’m sure there were folks who could tell how bad it was for me, but I didn’t feel like I could reach out and ask for help.* I felt like I couldn’t stop to take a break or relax or anything because I would lose all momentum. I still catch myself falling back into those patterns from time to time. It has taken restructuring my life, exercise, art, therapy, and medication to reprogram my neural pathways.
Right now, we’re all living through one tragedy after another. We’re expected to continue showing up like nothing is wrong despite our hearts breaking constantly and panic sitting ever present, right below the surface. The best ways to quell the doom and gloom, though, is to celebrate the wins, make feeling a priority, and build community and connection.
There are so many acts of resistance right now, so many good things in the face of challenges. Look at the global Sumud Flotilla that is sailing to bring aid to Gaza. In DC, there are night patrols going around surveilling the national guard in the streets, literally protecting their neighbors. Zohran Mamdani, the mayoral candidate for NYC, has hit the $8 million fundraising cap for his campaign, suggesting that New Yorkers are ready for a significant change in leadership.
Like I said before, feeling is the gateway to action. Taking time to feel, release, and process is important. Climbing mountains is my gateway to feeling right now. There is nothing that makes me feel more alive, connected to everything in the universe, and moves me to tears more than experiencing awe. I encourage anyone feeling despair to find something that stirs a deep feeling of connection as a step towards breaking up the onslaught of bad news and starting to take steps towards action.
I also advise rebuilding your community if it is something that has fallen to the wayside. As my partner and I get ever closer to the east coast, we are so excited to reunite with our friends and family. That being said, we have been so lucky to be in the company of loved ones across the country, so much so that we have hardly felt homesick despite being gone for nearly two and a half months. The concept of community isn’t limited to geography. Find, build, and strengthen your community ties.
The best antidote to living through today’s current work/life/nightmare is to steady yourself in the here and now. Seek out awe and inspiration. Invest time and energy in feeling through it all. Rekindle lost connections. Build community. Take action, no matter how small, to shift your momentum. Be fully present for each moment of your day.
*My now spouse continued to show up and help me with my dishes, meals, and taking out the trash while I was at my lowest, even though we weren’t dating at the time. His love got me through one of the worst moments in my life and for that I am forever grateful.
